no school on Monday as well B)

nooooo this is our last class :c and damn I was supposed to write a poem tonight for tomorrow but there's no school tomorrow ;-; but kinda glad about that, got no plans for the weekend like always but yeaaahh hope you guys had a awesome day and is ready for the second semester.

damn our hall monitor is so bit*hy. but anywayyyys. today's been an okay day I can't remember exactly what happened haha. but yeah? I hope you guys are having a good day <3

blahh im so tired. my socials/drama teacher got sick and yeah but our substitute is sooo boring he did F all in socials and all he did in drama was talk and that was so boring I kept dozing off. but ill have a new poem ready, sometime this week for you guys, there's one week left in the semester and then I don't think I'd get this class again so yeah. hope you guys are having an alright day

I feel nothing but hate right now and also exams are tomorrow all the grade 9's first exam (me too) and idk how things are gonna turn out but I hope it's good... im having an alright day, could be better but I hope tiu guys are having a good day. ill have a poem ready for tomorrow. my last assignment of the semester for this class </3

i will post one more poem for you guys too im just gonna write it tonight kind of like a grand finale though the poem I posted last has to be my greatest but yeah. I wish my first music teacher would be our drama teacher because before this class is drama and our main drama teacher is somewhat ill so he taught us and he just does it so much better and more enthusiastically not just serious and demanding. but I hope you guys are having a great day because I am :)

im so glad I got that poem finished, I finished it on sunday and im relieved right now as well. I wont be posting anymore after Friday. I probably will but not daily around this time because again, this was a class and me and another classmate have the highest mark in this class. I'll still have this blog but you got to be patient for me to post. I hope you guys had a good day <3

for the hearts that worry instead of beat

 

I raise a trembling hand in

class, no sound comes out but

I attempt to ask dear random

teacher, can I please go to the

nurse?

no I am not done with my
reading and no I am not

bleeding, but my hands have

energy bolts that shoot

from the tips and I cannot

stop my words that talk with

two fast moving lips.

 

and I clenched my hands

60 through 64 times now and

its starting to hurt, so please

random teacher can I please go

to the nurse?

 

no she will not help at all, but

how can she help someone

when their problems a brain

with crumbling walls, a heavy

sigh and a heavier groan, her

sorry lips will ask if id like to

go home.

 

ill say no but make a person

know to remind myself it is my

fault I'm like this and I must

tough through the day on

my own.

 

step by careful step I feel

my hyped up energy diminish.

I feel like I have nothing left.

step by careful step I feel myself

getting slower, I feel myself

getting lower, the floor has

welcomed me yet again,

I'm it's most frequent guest.

 

I heard my heart beat through

the floor, I heard the slamming

of a door. I heard the violent song

of gravity begging me once more,

ill let it cradle me and all its gore,

ill let it cradle me until its heavy

arms are sore and as I lay, i'll

remember all the pieces I have

failed to put together.

 

have you ever had to check that

these hands were connected to

your shoulders because of how

much they shook, you weren't sure

if they were yours.

 

did you hide them under your

desk and hoped your classmates

wouldn't see hoping that they

wont notice that you cant breathe

but you can strain them under

sheets and hoping only your

pillow can hear an uneven

breathing as you wept.

because a leg that endlessly shakes
demands you stay awake worrying
about that homework you didn't
do because you're too terrified
that if you began to, that vibrating
numb will fill up like sand filling
up a body bag, make it's way through
your body and paralyze your
nervous hands.

pencils that weigh exactly 0.00567
kilograms suddenly are heavier than
the list my words demands.

have you ever told someone that
for far too often for no reason
at all, if you're far too close to the
end and they tell you breathe and
count back from 7. okay....

7, I'm sick of days of wondering
where's my sanity's been, 6, I'm sick of
being sick, 5, I'm tired of being
mocked by the lost of my waste of
time, 4, I'm done with jerking limbs
that leave my body sore, 3, I'm tired
of a heart that worries instead of beats,
2, I'm sick of having to explain this to
many but be understood by few, 1,
I'm constantly told what I am, what
I'm not, what I have, what I do not
by people who have not experienced
me and I am done...

don't tell me I can choose what thoughts
consume my mind and I just have to
choose to be positive, because I am
absolutely positive, you've never felt
so confined that war against the making
of the walls inside your mind and I am
sorry there is no evidence and I know
the cure is not to stuff my lungs with
medicine. but therapy isn't working
and I don't know why I have to prove
to you that I'm hurting!

I learned that the world doesn't pause so
you can get better, you just have to chill
out and get it together.

yet another day I raise a trembling hand
in class, no sound comes out but I attempt
to ask. dear random teacher if everyone
had anxiety how long do you think we'd
last? because I'm sure having a hard time,
and ill probably spend a while worrying
if this makes a proper last line.

FACT OF THE DAY; every heart have some type of memory. look it up.

today doesn't feel like a Friday. who else agrees? but yeah today's been okay, this morning at my doctors appointment he told me that I have a mild scoliosis and yeah it aint that bad it just affects my breathing sometime's. another thing to is the plant I bought which is a flower its growing so fast its crazy! blehh mid terms are coming up tho :/ they'll legit be the death of me.

damn I really hate this one kid. he just ugh! pisses me off! but anyways today's been alright I hope my boyfriend get to stay over this weekend. I cant wait to get home though, its just me, my mom and our dog marley at the house because my step dad and step brother went out of town so that's nice because my step dad is only the biggest jerk to me ever but he's starting to be more polite and nice now since my mom told him about how his words affect me buuut yeah. I didn't post yesterday because the computers were down except for 5 and then our media arts teacher made me and couple other people miss the buss because he took too long to dismiss us! blehh I don't know what to write. but I hope you guys are have a good day.

I cant wait for summer and to move because I cant wait to ride my penny board and I cant wait to move because its like summer is longer there because its down south and when I left there and went home it was already fall when I got home so yeah. I cant wait.

well today wasn't like any other but I guess everyday is different in the smallest ways. anyways today was kinda better than I expected which is kinda good, what sucked though is that my ipod died the one I have all my music on (I have two ipods) but hmm idk what to say.

I watched 2 and a half seasons of bobs burgers this weekend and no ragrets.

monday not so fun day

may your clothes be comfy, coffee be strong and Monday be short.

im sorry. I promised you guys like twice and I still haven't posted the rest of the poem. at this point I don't know what to tell you guys because yeah... today was kinda good though. the news this morning said today is the most depressing day of the year? only because it's the third Monday of the year??? like what is that BS? but yeah all in all today was kind of good. im sorry for taking long with the poem butg ill get it done sometime, idk when but I will.

TGIF

blehhhh I didn't get the poem done xc legit beating myself up because of it :/ Im always sleeping idk why. I think it's because of my depression? but yeah I usually sleep instead of hurting or doing anything else. I spilt my coffee on all my social study notes though. my friends said she didn't get how I wasn't mad but like they didn't smudge because I wrote it all in pen so I still had my notes :) today's been kind of a good day, my mom stopped by at lunch and gave me mine and I liked that because she's always at work and stuff. but yeeaaah I'll post the rest of the poem you guys since I promised ill have it by today but like I said ill post it sometime this evening.

I will get that poem done by tomorrow you guys I promise. I have time today because yesterday I had a doctors appointment and the doctor was weird. but we found out what has been causing the pain when I breathe. I got an x-ray (my first one tbh) and turns out my spine is crooked. isn't that weird? and I a short person, im 5'3" and my homeroom teacher said that if strengthen my back i'll grow an inch or so. so im not as short as I seem to be :3 that's kinda cool. and I have another doctors appointment tomorrow morning and I get to miss a morning block or two. aaaand yeah. today's been good I guess, can't think of anything bad except for one thing but im not gonna talk about that because that's personal but yeah! I hope you guys have a good day.

why can we see everyone else's posts except ours, on the dashboard? :T

#repost because I found a perfect picture for this poem.

 

she's got an artist soul

a heart that cant stop beating

a brain that needs to know

and lips that seemed to be were made for loving.

her eyesight was inferior yet she

saw a great deal more than us

she played it off like she was shy

but if you opened your mind you'd

see her skin oozed lust.

yes she fits your perfect cliché,

of an odd girl who follows sunsets,

writes poetry and talks of leaving

someday.

she walks cracked sidewalks and

wonders if she's done the same her

mother does, wonders if her

mother ever put herself in harms

embrace to get over an adolescent boy

that could never return her love.

at night she walks the long way

home on a road she does not know

darkness leaves her uneasy and the night.

breeze reminds her she's alone but

since you've broke her sprinting heart

she spends her night seducing stars

and yes she used to be in love with you

but now she's married to the moon.

just another day i wish i was dead.

ughhh. I still haven't finished that poem because I was busy and yeah. today is just ugh. terrible. very rare I have a good day...

sorry guys I didn't have time to write the rest of that poem and it's been bugging me for a while now. but I wen to terrace on Friday and came home Saturday and yeah. today has been so shitty though since this morning just stupid family member complaining about their life ugh piss me off. and then they got mad because I didn't eat breakfast but they didn't say it was done so how tf was I supposed to know?! and yeah I also didn't bring a lunch. so I didn't eat breakfast and didn't bring a lunch. great.

blehhhh today is... idek it's like today was a blur, I can barely remember it xD but yeah. the teacher I gave the pupper to gave me $200 to buy it like toys and what not for it and yeah. i'm stoked about my essay/story. it's really coming along. buuuuut yeaah I hope you guys had or having a good day.

puppy!!!

sooo... I haven't exactly finished the poem I posted yesterday because I had like a 3 hour nap yesterday then I was put in emergency at the clinic but i'm all good now so yeah! but I hope you all had a wonderful winter break and an even better Christmas. I got a camera from my parents and it's legit! I also got 3 rings and like boots and ski pants and yeah it was good. I got one of my teachers a puppy because that's what he wanted and plus he's a lonely guy so yeah c: his reaction was priceless, he was almost speechless which warmed my heart. he brings the puppy to school every day, he has this kinda room outside of this school so he just keeps it there and brings it into the school as well for a bit. he's going to give me money sometime because im going to terrace either this week or next week and I could buy him essentials for his puppy :3

hey guys. this poem isn't exactly finished because my sister interrupted me as I was writing so ill just write what I have so far.

for the hearts that worry instead of beat

I raise a trembling hand in

class, no sound comes out but

I attempt to ask dear random

teacher, can I please go to the

nurse?

no I am not done with my
reading and no I am not

bleeding, but my hands have

energy bolts that shoot

from the tips and I cannot

stop my words that talk with

two fast moving lips.

 

and I clenched my hands

60 through 64 times now and

its starting to hurt, so please

random teacher can I please go

to the nurse?

 

no she will not help at all, but

how can she help someone

when their problems a brain

with crumbling walls, a heavy

sigh and a heavier groan, her

sorry lips will ask if id like to

go home.

 

ill say no but make a person

know to remind myself it is my

fault I'm like this and I must

tough through the day on

my own.

 

step by careful step I feel

my hyped up energy diminish.

I feel like I have nothing left.

step by careful step I feel myself

getting slower, I feel myself

getting lower, the floor has

welcomed me yet again,

I'm it's most frequent guest.

 

I heard my heart beat through

the floor, I heard the slamming

of a door. I heard the violent song

of gravity begging me once more,

ill let it cradle me and all its gore,

ill let it cradle me until its heavy

arms are sore and as I lay, i'll

remember all the pieces I have

failed to put together.

 

i have no title for this one so...

I know that I've always naturally

felt this need to help and make

you happier, and the whole time

I never once felt I had to change

myself for that - unless I was

changing myself for the better.

in fact my whole life I felt i

was a mix of too many things,

that no one could love every

weird diverse side of me,

but here we are, with that

person standing right in front

of me, loving all the same

things.

to many people this does not

matter, or is for attention, but

when it comes down to it I

just love to show this miracle

human off.

this isn't something we do for

social media, we just like to let

the world know. I've never

loved anyone more organically

____ ______ _____ _______,

and you can call me young and

ignorant and maybe I am, but

I am sure a lot happier than

you.